


The way I loved you

by Ivyaugust



Category: Community (TV)
Genre: Drunk Sex, F/F, F/M, Jeff/Annie mentioned, M/M, Past trobed, Post-Episode: s05e05 Geothermal Escapism, Sad feelings, Troy/britta mentioned, abedison
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-12
Updated: 2020-09-12
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:16:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26427730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ivyaugust/pseuds/Ivyaugust
Summary: Annie and Abed are honest with each other and find solace in each other. Maybe they can still be happy despite their crippling attachments to other people.Somewhat kinda but not really inspired by“But I miss screamin' and fightin'And kissin' in the rainAnd it's two a.m. and I'm cursin' your nameYou're so in love that you act insaneAnd that's the way I loved youBreakin' down and comin' undoneIt's a roller-coaster kinda rushAnd I never knew I could feel that muchAnd that's the way I loved you”
Relationships: Annie Edison/Abed Nadir, Mention of Annie/Rachel, Troy Barnes/Abed Nadir, mention of Jeff/Annie
Comments: 6
Kudos: 29





	The way I loved you

**Author's Note:**

> Hey hey! This took sooo long but I really hope everyone enjoys it. I wanted it to fit with my Annie’s Epiphany fic, but they don’t have to be read together by any means. I hope you enjoy!!

After Troy left, all that Abed did was mope around. He didn’t watch movies, he didn’t play in the dreamatorium. He had silently moved all his belongings into Troy’s old room the day after he left, and he hadn’t left the room much since then. Annie had been nicer about it than he had expected, usually giving him the space he wanted, but he could tell she was concerned about him. They still drove to school together, cooked their meals together; but without Troy, their little family felt a lot less like a family. Movie nights felt solemn and lonely. Their apartment itself felt hollow, and Abed could tell that Annie felt it too.The study group still came over on occasion, but it was hard sometimes for Abed to enjoy his friend’s company without wishing they were Troy, and Abed didn’t like that. He didn’t want to wish for his friends to be someone else, but he couldn’t help it.

He had even started seeing a girl, but he was terrified that he had only started dating her because he wanted her to be Troy so badly that he was willing to pretend that she was. Sometimes she came over, and they would spend time with Annie, doing things that normal people do, and Abed would do his best not to think about how they looked like a Hallmark card, because that just made his smile feel even more posed and artificial. 

Rachel was great, but Abed was frantic and he didn’t have any time to waste. If his relationship with Rachel was going to work, to fill this empty space, he needed to fast forward through all the parts that he and Troy had already figured out together. He worked hard to keep up with Rachel. She was cute, and funny, and she ate his buttered noodles without complaining, even when he could tell that she was bored of them. Sometimes Abed would watch a movie with Rachel and find himself explaining things to her on autopilot, before remembering that Rachel didn’t like it when he assumed that she didn’t understand the movie. Rachel was smart, and her eyes didn’t sparkle the way Troy’s did when Abed explained the metaphors of the X-Men movies. 

Abed didn’t want to relearn someone else’s quirks and habits. He didn’t want to get used to the smell of someone else’s shampoo, or memorize someone else’s body language. He especially didn’t want Rachel to sleep in Troy’s bunk, no matter how many times she had asked. Troy’s smell was already fading from the sheets, and Abed couldn’t bear to do anything to speed up that process.  
But the sad truth was that Rachel was a Troy replacement. He was being forced to change the ending to his beloved tv show, but the way he saw it, there was no need to go back and rewrite a love story when it was already being written so nicely.

Looking back on his relationship with Troy was hard for Abed. Thinking about it too long made his head hurt, but he could still remember the first time Troy had told him he loved him. They must have been drinking, because he didn’t remember much else, but he didn’t care. The important part of the memory had stayed. He remembered surprising himself when he kissed Troy outside the Valentine’s dance, and the look of fear and excitement on Troy’s face when they finally had forced themselves to stop kissing each other.

Things had been perfect for a while. They made sense together. But Troy had been scared, so Abed had promised him that they could keep their relationship a secret, even from the viewers at home. That made Troy a lot more comfortable, so they got to stay together. Through birthday parties and horror stories. They moved in together, bought a car together, started building their lives together. Sometimes it was hard keeping their relationship to themselves, but it was all worth it when they got to come home to each other at the end of the day. Abed had never been happier than he was when he was with Troy. He loved the people that they became together, and for the first time in his life, Abed was confident that he was capable of maintaining a relationship. He had managed to find the person he wanted to spend the rest of his life with and he couldn’t believe his luck.

So naturally, Abed’s heart shattered harder than he ever thought possible when they broke up.  
He hated that stupid air conditioning repair school, and he hated the vice dean for having the ability to separate them. He hated thinking about minutes wasted on fighting with Troy, when they could’ve been preparing for all the time together that they didn’t know they were going to lose. But none of it hurt as much as it did when Annie had sent his Troy off with Britta, and to his dismay, when Troy came back, he came back with a girlfriend. 

It sucked, getting used to Troy belonging to Britta. Especially when he found out that they had been sleeping together. He remembered feeling sick with jealousy and frustration, but Britta had brought donuts, and Troy looked so guilty that Abed couldn’t bear to make them feel worse . He could see that Troy wasn’t as happy as he had been with Abed, but he also knew Troy was still afraid. So he swallowed the terrible loneliness and went back to being a good best friend to Troy. He regretted it now. Troy was his and he should’ve fought harder for him.

Abed wished more than anything that he could go back just by a few weeks. Just to the minute before Troy left. He should’ve wrapped Troy so tightly in his arms that he couldn’t leave if he wanted to. He should’ve kissed him and told him that he would’ve done anything to get Troy to stay. He should’ve told him that he was his lobster and that nothing would ever keep them apart. He didn’t understand how Troy could choose money over him. He couldn’t have left Troy for all the money in the world. Annie had tried to explain that Troy wasn’t choosing money, he was choosing himself. But Abed knew Troy. He and Troy made each other happy. They were supposed to spend this year helping Troy find himself TOGETHER. That’s what Abed had promised him. 

Instead Abed felt more lost than ever, and he wondered if Troy felt lost without him as well. He secretly hoped he did. He deserved to feel a little lost for changing the end of their story without asking how Abed felt about it. He didn’t want to be angry with Troy, but he was. Abed remembered Troy’s outstretched hand, promising to stay with Abed as long as he didn’t let himself fall. To be fair, Abed had chosen to make that sacrifice for Troy, killing off original Abed. Abed had decided while he lay burning in a pool of imaginary lava, that he would sacrifice his life for Troy’s time and time again if necessary. But part of him couldn’t help but wonder if Troy would’ve stayed if he had just taken his hand.  
…

Annie was growing up. She wasn’t ready to accept it. It wasn’t like turning 18, where you’re excited to be an adult, to get a taste of control. This time it felt like a clock, ticking down until her life was no longer simple. She didn’t even know how to be an adult, and the idea of trying to learn was terrifying. She was almost jealous of Troy. She wished someone would dump a plan into her lap, give her an out. At least that way she would have an idea of what was to come next, even if she was away from the people she loved most. 

Everything had changed so quickly after Pierce died. Annie wasn’t naive, so she had been expecting that that would happen eventually, but she hadn’t prepared to lose Troy too. Troy leaving shocked Annie into reality more than anything else. He was one of her best friends in the world, and losing him felt like losing her family all over again. When he left, a fog of impending doom settled over her, and she found herself looking for reasons to let go of her life at Greendale, trying to save herself the heartbreak of being surprised when everyone finally leaves. She began mourning her friendships before they were over, treasuring every step she took up the library stairs, preparing herself for a seemingly inevitable end. 

She saw reminders of Troy everywhere, but especially in Abed’s eyes. He was hurting. He didn’t let on around the others, but Annie saw him when no one else was around. Jeff and Britta could make as many jokes as they wanted, but they didn’t have to listen to the same episode of Inspector Spacetime on a loop for hours because it was the only thing offering him comfort. They didn't hear him calling out for Troy in his sleep every night. Annie tried to give Abed his space to grieve but she was more than concerned. 

In fact, she was so concerned about Abed, she had allowed her concern with Jeff to take a backseat recently. After he and Britta had almost gotten back together, she had started to realize that it was very possible that Jeff was never going to pick her. It hurt a little, but the older Annie got, the more Annie realized that she didn’t really want Jeff to want her anyway.

Jeff made everything harder and more confusing, distracting her constantly from her real goals, but she couldn’t help but preoccupy herself with getting him alone, hoping to refresh the memory of their kiss all over again when she needed to remember how it felt to want him. 

Her feelings for Jeff were really more about proving something to herself than anything else anyway. When she actually had his attention on her she found it to be exhausting more often than rewarding. Jeff was extremely high maintenance, and she was sick of being pulled back and forth, treated like a ragdoll, while he struggled with the morality of his feelings for her. 

She was done waiting for him. Annie had been feeling guilty anyway, since the dean had called Jeff out for being unprofessional a few weeks before. She knew better than to be pining for Jeff after all this time. Sure, he was great to daydream about when she was 18, but now there was nothing keeping them from actually going too far and Annie couldn’t bear the thought of crossing that line with Jeff. It would just be… gross. But every once in a while she found herself slipping back into old habits, twirling her hair when Jeff spoke, and doodling his name in her diary. It was like she was having an affair with herself, more than any semblance of a relationship with Jeff.

She told herself she was over him, just to catch herself running back to him each time he called.  
They had kissed a few times, and she had even let Jeff finger her once in his car once when she was 20, but she was older now and she was tired of chasing and getting nothing in return. It was starting to do real damage to her self esteem. She had been out of high school for 5 years, and she had only had one boyfriend since then. She hadn’t even had sex since she lost her virginity. Annie was scared. She felt vulnerable, insecure and alone, and Jeff wasn’t doing much to help that by stringing her along. 

But Annie had much more pressing concerns than Jeff now.. She was fast approaching 23, and she still didn’t feel like she knew who she was. In the past she had always been able to turn to Troy when she needed to be reassured of herself, but now she was unsure who to talk to. She couldn’t even talk to Abed, seeing as more often than not, he seemed hollow now. Rachel came over most nights, but most of the time it was just her and Annie hanging out while Abed zoned out on the television. 

Rachel asked Annie about Troy a lot, but she knew that was a story for Abed to tell. Rachel tried to be understanding about it, but it was hard for her. She had expressed to Annie many times, feeling distanced from Abed. Sometimes even going as far to say that he was indifferent to her presence. Annie tried to make up for it by paying extra attention to Rachel when she was around. She made sure to include her in conversation, invited her to group outings, and tolerated Donny Darko. They became better friends for it, sharing sweaters and swapping their favorite novels. They had even started reading The Great Gatsby together on the nights that Abed was feeling particularly anti-social.. Sometimes Rachel even joked that it felt more like she was dating Annie than Abed. Annie liked that joke, it was a cute one. It made her feel like she had someone who cared about her. 

Having Rachel around made it easier. It scared her to see Abed like this, and it was exhausting to be worried about him alone. Besides, it was nice to have someone to talk to, and Annie always gushed with pride when Rachel decided she felt comfortable enough to confide in Annie as well. 

Sometimes Rachel talked about Abed, about how good it felt for him to see her and to touch her. She talked about how when they met, his eyes had sparkled in a way that made her think that maybe she was finally about to become the romantic lead in her own story. Other times she would just infodump about World War II, or the Salem Witch Trials, or whatever else she had been reading about. Though Annie found it adorable, if not a little frustrating at times. She had a bad habit of cutting Rachel off to correct her. Rachel didn’t like that, she would stare at Annie, cold and confused, in the same way Abed often expressed his frustration. Sometimes they didn’t say anything. Those were the really hard days. Rachel’s bad days were almost always Abed’s bad days too. The ones where Rachel felt all her emotions at once, all of them screaming over each other in an attempt to be the loudest, Rachel just stayed silent and let herself feel them. Annie sat with her and tried to feel some of them for her. 

Annie tried not to be surprised when Rachel broke up with Abed. It was abrupt, but Annie knew it had been on her mind ever since Abed had found out about the pirates and ignored all of Rachel’s calls for a week. Abed seemed okay at first, his general demeanor not having changed much, but Annie noticed after a few days that he had hardly been eating, and his lips were chapped to the point of cracking. 

-  
One night, after a long nine weeks of studying for their exams and hiding from the silence in their bedrooms, Annie finally decided that enough was enough .Abed had already watched ‘The Last of The Snarling Lions’ three times today, and Annie didn’t think she could manage to listen to Constable Reggie die again, fictional or otherwise. Annie shuffled past the tv awkwardly and sat next to Abed on the couch, touching his knee lightly. “Are you okay?” she asked hesitantly. 

She was quiet and gentle, which Abed really appreciated. He nodded, but he wasn’t actually sure if he was okay. He wasn’t used to feeling this empty, and he was scared. He had spent his whole life thinking he didn’t have normal emotions, but now he felt overwhelmingly normal. Just another someone, who wasn’t going to get the happy ending that they thought they would. Abed should have been somewhat comforted by this, because it meant he was more similar to his friends than he thought he was, but instead he was just numb.  
He looked up at Annie sadly. “Can we drink?” he asked. 

Neither of them are big on drinking, but that night they finished two whole bottles of wine by themselves. Sip by sip, they talked, and found themselves laughing and enjoying themselves for the first time in ages. They reminisce about the good old days, which was really just a few weeks ago, and cracked jokes at each other’s expense. The long held silence of the living room, finally shattered with their giggles and hiccups. 

Then Abed leaned back, his demeanor obviously changed. Annie watched as he wrapped his arm around her, and he was a little surprised when she settled into it, but he continued on, drunkenly introducing himself to her as Brent Underjaw and asking for her name. 

Annie didn’t answer, but instead cringed at the mention of the character and suddenly shifted against him uncomfortably. It was obvious that her feelings were still hurt, but Abed was oblivious to this, casually sipping from his wine again. She wasn’t sure why he would try to slip back into this character, and why now? He was picked at it like a scab, threatening to reopen that wound all over again, and she couldn’t just let him. Not in the interest of her own growth, anyway. 

“Abed,” Annie mumbled into his sweater, trying not to sound too much like a wounded animal. “You know that really hurt me, right? It wasn’t as simple as pancakes for me… Why would you do something like that?”

Abed is caught off guard by this. It hadn’t occurred to him that Annie was still thinking about Brent this way. Abed looked at her, studying her eyes intensely. It took all of Abed’s attention to try to process what Annie was telling him, but he could tell from her tone that it was important, so he focused as hard as he could. 

Looking back it made sense. Annie had a history of relying on the affections of men for her own validation, and she had invested a lot of energy in the relationship they had built together online. Abed thought back to the night that he had decided to set up the profile. Troy and Britta had just broken up, but Abed quickly learned that this didn’t mean that he and Troy were going to get back together. He tried not to be surprised, but it didn’t make it hurt any less. But, he hadn’t really thought about WHY he had done it, aside from pancakes. That seemed like a good enough answer to him at the time, regardless of whether or not it was the whole truth. Besides, he liked seeing her happy, and Jeff certainly hadn’t been helping with that. He knew this wasn’t the answer to her question though, so he sat silently, pondering. She didn’t rush him. After a moment, she spoke up again. 

“What if Rachel had pretended to be Troy?” She asked him, sounding genuinely curious to hear his response. 

His brow furrowed and he looked down at his hands, unsure of how he felt about that. Thinking about it made his stomach hurt, and it made him upset at Rachel for something she hadn’t even done. That made it feel like a trick. He hadn’t wanted to trick Annie, he only wanted to get closer to her and understand her better. He didn’t want to answer her question, but he did feel like he owed her an apology. 

“Annie, it was wrong of me to lie to you like that,” Abed slurred a bit, but he still sounded as serious as ever. “Your emotions aren’t a game, and I shouldn’t be playing with them for any sort of reward.” He looked at his shoes ashamedly. He had known it was wrong at the time, and he hadn’t necessarily been sorry then, but he had a new appreciation for the value of his friendships now, and he really couldn’t imagine losing Annie over this. He continues on, feeling an overwhelming urge to tell Annie the whole truth, but holding back as much as possible, sparing himself from recounting the details too heavily. 

“I did it because I wanted to know that someone wanted me. But it turned out that it wasn’t even me that you were wanting. I just wanted your attention, but I went about it all wrong.” He kept his eyes fixated on his toes, nervously squeaking the toe of his sneaker on the floor. “I think I just didn’t want to feel alone anymore. But now I’m more alone than ever.“ He decided to leave out the part about how upset and jealous Troy had been when he found out about Brent, because he wasn’t proud of his choice to purposely perpetuate that reaction from Troy.  
Annie scooted a bit closer to him, wrapping an arm around his waist and resting her head on his shoulder. 

“It’s okay Abed.. I mean, it’s not okay... But you don’t have to pretend to be someone else for us to love you… and you know I will make you breakfast anytime you ask me, right?” Her voice went up at the end, her eyes big and sympathetic. He knew that wasn’t true before Troy left, but he didn’t doubt that she would make him anything he wanted now. He knew all she really wanted was for them to go back to normal, and he wanted more than anything to help her get them there. 

He smiled gently, taking her hand in his and squeezing it a little. “You know, Annie...” Abed trailed off a little bit, nervous about potentially making things worse. “You really do deserve better.” 

She picked her head up and looked at him, confused. “What do you mean, I deserve better?” She sounded different than she had a moment ago, but Abed tried to ignore the tone change and focus on his train of thought. Annie was a little younger than him, but she was beautiful, smart, and she didn’t know it, but she was miles above men like Jeff or Vaughn. He had been frustrated that finding Annie a reliable love interest had been so tricky, but now he understood that Annie was too good for anyone they knew. Annie was special, and her happy ending had to be special. He couldn’t stand the idea of her settling just to appease the audience. In this particular moment, he wanted more than anything to kiss her and reassure her that she is worthy of more love and happiness than she could imagine. He wanted to be able to provide that happiness for her. 

“I mean you deserve better than the men you choose. You let them decide your worth, when you aren’t even interested in them.” He gestured with his pointer finger as he spoke. He didn’t quite understand why Annie did this, but he had noticed it more and more since she had pointed it out to him a few years before.”You want them to love you, but giving them the same attention in return exhausts you.” 

Annie was chewing her lip nervously, and Abed took this to mean that she was thinking very seriously about what he had said. “I know you’re right,” she started thoughtfully. “But I don’t know why I do it…” she trailed off momentarily, opening and closing her mouth a few times, unsure of how to continue. When she finally spoke, it was a lot quieter than it had been a moment before. “Sometimes I think that maybe I’m broken, because I’m just not feeling these feelings that everyone is always talking about…”  
Her voice was low and a little shaky, as if she had never said those words out loud to herself before. 

Abed knew exactly what Annie meant. He was well aware of how it felt to question his emotions, constantly wondering which were authentic and which he had only convinced himself he was feeling. He had witnessed Annie following Jeff around time and time again, trying to find fulfillment in a relationship that could never be. A relationship she didn’t even really want. Now here he was in the same situation with Rachel. He and Annie really were two peas in a pod sometimes. He wanted again to be able to prove to her just how lovable she was. Just to make her feel as comfortable and safe as she made him. Hearing her refer to herself as broken made him want to show her just how whole and perfect she was. 

“You’re not broken Annie-” Abed started, but Annie was already spiralling onto the next thought, her eyes focusing on something across the room now, instead of Abed’s face. 

“I’m just so scared Abed. I was fine the past few years, because I had you guys. But now that could change any day, and I don’t know if I will be okay without you. Especially Jeff.”  
Her eyes fell to her hands as she admitted that. “I couldn’t make Jeff love me, I couldn’t have made Troy stay, and it scares me that maybe I’ll never have the closeness with another person that I have with you guys.” 

She was starting to hiccup and tear up, so Abed put his hand on her knee in a comforting attempt. She hardly noticed, continuing on rambling, getting a little louder. “And I tried so hard with Jeff! I thought if I could make him love me, that maybe I would love me. But all I got was a crippling fear of never being good enough!”

Abed didn’t want to imagine Annie feeling all the things he had felt his whole life, but he was so relieved to hear his feelings verbalized by someone else. “You know, Annie, before I met you guys, I never felt like I had a family. I never thought I could fall in love, or have someone love me either. You guys proved me wrong. We may not be around all the time someday, but you will always have us. Not to mention, you’re young, smart, and pretty. You aren’t running out of time, you’re only beginning your life. And when the right person comes along, you won’t have to fight for their attention or respect.” 

He tried not to think about how he hadn’t had to fight for Troy’s love. He tries not to think about how he hadn’t even tried to fight for Troy. Maybe if he had fought, he would still have him.  
“I couldn’t make Troy stay either.”  
...  
She wanted to ask about Troy, knowing that his mind was spiralling just as much as hers, but she knew that he would never be as honest about it as she had tried to be. She wanted to ask about Rachel too, but a pit in her stomach told her to ignore the Rachel topic for a few days, respect his space. She forced a smile a little bit, wanting to reassure him that Troy would return, but they both knew that they didn’t have the luxury of confidence in that. They hardly knew if he was alive on a day to day basis. 

They both sat silently for a while, Annie’s hand tucked into Abed’s, her head still rested on his shoulder. Annie couldn’t see his face, but she knew he was staring longingly at Troy’s recliner again. She had found him sleeping all curled up in it a few nights ago. His long legs were dangling over the arm, his toes poking out from beneath the sheet he had wrapped around his body. He looked like he had cocooned himself into the chair. Annie wished at the time that she were capable of scooping him up and carrying him to bed, but she couldn’t so she sat and stroked his hair until she fell asleep next to him. Her back hurt all day the next day, but Abed looked a little happier that morning, so Annie called it even. 

Annie wished she could still make him happy like that, just by showing Abed how much she cared about him. Right now, she wanted him to tell her that he cared about her, even loved her. The fabric of his sweater was soft against her cheek, and she was tempted to crawl up into his lap and rest on his chest all night. He smelled nice, like soap, and something else that she could never identify, but the smell was so familiar now that she just accepted it as Abed’s own smell.  
Maybe it was just the alcohol, or her emotions getting the better of her, but what Annie did next surprised her more than anything. She carefully tilted Abed’s chin, turning him towards her and kissing him gently on the lips. He didn’t react much at first, but when she pulled back he followed, pressing his lips to her again, more firmly this time. 

This wasn’t the first time they had kissed, but Annie hadn’t realized that kissing Han and kissing Abed were two wildly different experiences. Abed’s lips were a little rougher than she remembered, but he was still a fantastic kisser. Annie felt her cheeks heating up as she took charge of the kiss, balling his tee shirt in her fist and pushing her tongue into his mouth. Abed whimpered and sighed into it. She could taste the wine on his breath, but she knew she tasted the same. She moved her hands up to his face, deepening their kiss and pulling herself into his lap confidently. He accepted her, wrapping his arms around her waist, pressing her tightly against his chest as they continued to kiss. Abed was breathing hard now, and Annie was making little whimpering noises into the kiss.  
…  
Abed felt Annie’s hands pushing his cardigan off his shoulders. He leaned forward and wiggled free from the sweater, and Annie pull his tee-shirt over his head, tossing them both over her head carelessly. Abed could feel the heat of her through his jeans, and he was more than tempted to pull her down closer to him. Her hips were moving ever so slightly, causing her skirt to sway, catching Abed’s eye. He ran his hands up her thighs, watching with intrigue as his fingertips left a trail of risen hair on Annie’s leg. He went up further still, his hands sliding under her skirt. He wasn’t sure where Annie was okay with him touching her, but the sounds she was making were very expressive. Abed took it as a good sign when sliding his fingers into the waistband of her underwear earned him a shaky whine. That made him smile.

Abed brushed his thumb gently over Annie’s clit, noticing as her eyes fluttered closed. He pecked her gently on the lips before moving down to suck teasingly at the side of her neck. Abed dipped his fingers inside of her gently, but Annie grabbed his wrist and grinded down on his fingers, pulling their bodies even closer. Abed has always thought Annie would be quiet and submissive in bed, but he was pleasantly surprised at the way she was riding his hand and moaning loudly. 

When he finally pulled his fingers out, she immediately moved her hips against his with more pressure than he had been expecting, surprising him into a whine of his own. Abed’s long fingers fumbled clumsily with the buttons of Annie’s shirt as he struggled to blindly undress her with his lips attached to her throat. He kissed over the tops of her breasts and up her neck, breathing in her scent and trying desperately not to think about how she had almost definitely used the remainder of Troy’s soaps in the shower that morning. Instead he focused on his hands roaming her body, finally touching her in places that he had wondered about aimlessly for years. Her skin was porcelain, soft and cool to the touch, where Abed’s was warm and inviting. He wanted to put his tongue on her, the heat of his mouth licking her thighs and mouthing over her cotton panties. 

Almost as if reading his mind, Annie quickly rolled them over, pulling him on top of her. She was breathing hard, he could see her chest heaving, and her cheeks were flushed in a way that reminded him of raspberries and cherry blossoms. His hands were trembling nervously, but he slid them up her legs anyway, pushing her skirt up until it was around her waist. He kissed gently down her stomach and running his tongue across the fabric between her thighs. Annie gasped in surprise at his actions, but she didn’t oppose, so Abed hooked his fingers into her underwear, pulling them off as well and immediately attaching his mouth to her, earning a long groan from the back of her throat.  
...  
Annie’s head swam around in circles. Vaughn had gone down on her once, but it had been nothing like this. Abed’s tongue was swirling around her in ways that made her legs feel like jello, and oh my god her brain was so far from Jeff. Annie bucked her hips up to Abed’s mouth, drunkenly muttering profanities and lazily stroking her fingers through his hair as she came.  
Her vision was already fuzzy from the liquor, but her orgasm left her lips tingling and her moans sounding as if they were underwater. She felt Abed cleaning her carefully and kissing up her stomach again, up her chest, and finally putting his lips back on hers. She could taste herself on his mouth, but she didn’t care. All she could think about was having him inside of her. No longer scared, she found herself unbuttoning his jeans and using her feet to push them down his legs. 

Abed got the hint, kicking his jeans and underwear to the floor, groaning at the relief as he pressed himself between Annie’s thighs. Annie whined at the pressure and bucked against him, desperate for more. Abed groaned deeply as Annie wrapped her legs around his hips and rocked her hips towards his. He wasn’t going to last much longer now, and he wanted desperately to be inside her. 

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Abed mumbled to her through the sloppy kisses he was leaving across her throat. “Abed, yes, please. I want it more than anything,” Annie’s breathing was shallow and she had to work hard to get words out, but she managed to help Abed get a condom rolled on, even though she had no idea where he had gotten it. Moments later he was pressing into her and she sounded like a broken record, repeating Abed’s name over and over. 

It hurt a bit, but it was a good hurt. One that she could easily get used to. She groaned as he started to thrust, and he froze immediately. She could tell that he thought he had hurt her, his eyes wide with concern, anxiously searching her own eyes for any signs of pain and his hands rushing to hold the sides of her face. He was so pretty, and Annie felt so overwhelmed looking up into his sparkly eyes. She loved Abed so much, but their relationship was changing right now and looking at him like this gave her a moment to process it. She wanted this. She wanted Abed to take care of her; to tell her that everything was going to be okay and remind her that he would always be there for her.

Annie leaned forward to peck Abed on the lips, gently reassuring him that she was okay, encouraging him to continue. Abed sighed shakily as he began slowly and lazily thrusting into her. She whimpered into his shoulder, her nails digging sharply into his bicep when he went deeper. She wanted to tell him how good he was making her feel, but opening her mouth only resulted in moaning and breathing harder. She hoped the noises she was making were complimenting him for her. 

They stayed like that for a while, clutching each other tightly, Abed’s thrusting getting less and less controlled as time went on. Annie’s head spun and she lost track of how many times she came, but she could feel everything Abed was doing with his hands. They gripped her hips tightly, gently grazed over her nipples, tangled themselves in her hair, and teased her clit carefully. Annie wasn’t sure how long it had been when she felt Abed’s thighs begin to tremble and heard his breath hitch in his throat. Her legs were shaking relentlessly as well, but Abed’s firm grip on her right thigh kept her in place as he groaned into the curve of her neck and spilled into the condom. 

His hips finally came to a rest against hers as they took a moment to breathe, their foreheads pressed together. They were both sweating and breathless, and Annie could feel her exhaustion setting in quickly. The last thing she remembered before falling asleep was Abed wrapping her legs and arms around his waist and neck, carrying her to bed. She normally wouldn’t have accepted him lifting her, but her legs were sore and the warmth of his bare chest against her own was too comforting. They fell asleep under Annie’s sheets, her arms still wound around Abed, keeping him close. 

THE NEXT MORNING  
When Abed awoke, it took him a moment to recognize his surroundings. It took another minute for him to remember what had happened last night. Only after all that realizing, he realized a final thing. A very naked Annie was sleeping on his very naked chest. Abed’s arm was wrapped around Annie, his hand resting on the soft skin of her waist. Her head rested on his shoulder, her face buried in his neck. Her breath tickling his throat. Abed’s first reaction was happiness, which was unusual for him lately, but that immediately turned to panic. What had they done?! They had tampered with the fabric of the group! Abed mind raced and his eyes darted around anxiously, but Annie just tightened her arm around him instinctively and sighed in her sleep. That calmed him down a little, knowing that Annie was comfortable. 

He wanted to cry a little. He loved Annie, and he had definitely spent a lot of time fantasizing about her when focusing on Troy was too much, but he hadn’t wanted it to happen like this. He felt ashamed, and little bit used, but he couldn’t even be upset about that because he knew that to an extent he had used her too. 

He was so tired of feeling lonely. He didn’t feel lonely now, with Annie’s warm boobs pressed against his ribcage. He could feel her chest rise and fall with her breathing. He hoped that she felt less alone now too.  
He decided not to panic, for Annie’s sake, pressing a kiss to her forehead and letting his eyes fall closed again. 

ONE MONTH LATER  
Annie and Abed hadn’t planned on hooking up again after that night. They had mutually decided that it was threatening to the group’s natural dynamic. But they hadn’t accounted for how easy it was to fall into a pattern like this. They both needed each other more than they were still willing to admit. Annie could feel Abed’s loneliness in his kisses, and every time he pulled away she could see longing in his eyes. It was weird to know that he wanted her to be someone else, but she couldn’t blame him. She was longing too, she just didn’t know what for. 

They had sex approximately eight times since that night. Twice in Annie’s bed, twice in the shower, three times on the couch, and even once on the kitchen counter. Annie liked keeping track. It was kind of satisfying, and made her feel a little more like an adult to know that someone wanted her that way. She liked having something that was just for her and Abed, it made their friendship feel more sacred and special. She was now bonded to him in a way that she had never truly experienced with another person before, and it gave her a sense of security in knowing that even if the group fell apart someday, she would always have Abed. 

It had been a little awkward at first, getting used to having seen each other naked, but she had settled into it wirh time. She trusted Abed more than she trusted anyone else, so she figured that if she couldn’t feel comfortable with him, then she would never be comfortable. She wasn’t self conscious necessarily, but as much as she loved Abed, something about it still felt wrong. The sex was good. She didn’t have much to compare it to, but she could tell that Abed was skilled with his fingers and tongue. Annie liked getting attention from him, and she loved having someone to fall asleep next to on occasion. She extra liked the way that sometimes his eyes would linger on her chest before he caught himself. But still something was missing. She had assumed for as long as she could remember that liking men was SUPPOSED to be hard. But now she had someone within arms reach who genuinely cared for her. Someone who made her feel good, who knew what she liked and wanted before she even knew, and yet it still didn’t feel right. 

It was nice to have Abed back, spending time with her again, but she missed Rachel. She didn’t have to try with Rachel. She didn’t have to struggle or compete with her. Sometimes Annie would look at Rachel’s sweater in her closet, contemplating putting it on just to see if it still smelled like her shea butter lotion. But she never did. She didn’t want to upset Abed. 

Today, when Annie had finally decided to put it on while Abed was in class, she hadn’t expected Rachel to show up at the door 20 minutes later. Annie opened the door nervously. 

“H-hey Rachel, wh-“ Annie started, but when Rachel caught sight of her sweater, she swept Annie into a kiss, cutting her off abruptly. Annie’s eyes widened in surprise before she slowly let herself melt into it, letting her eyes close and her lips to move with Rachel’s. Her lips were soft, she smelled like strawberry chapstick, and it was everything Annie didn’t know she had been missing.

**Author's Note:**

> Ahh thank you for reading!! I know it was a little messy, I am insane, and writing half of it on my phone in an airport didn’t help.  
> Anyway, please kudos and comment if you feel so inclined, your validation fuels my soul.


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